This is a problematic that I consider of great importance. Love is a subject that moves the world. Nevertheless there is very little information on its respect, which is truly of worry and regrettable. I say this due to the lack of understanding from part of much youth and adults on what love is and what they believe to experience as such. It has taken many people to make mistakes that end up on all sorts of tragedies, and those which not end up in tragedies turn into life experiences of which sadly many times people do not manage to learn from, and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. Much of this could be avoided and changed if there could only be more education on love in schools and homes. What most frustrates is that it is a subject that is much less complex than the majority of the people believe, but they wont be able to see it this way unless they count with the proper guide and information.
Love is not just a feeling. Love is also cognition and behavior. It is cognition because love envolves single superior processes proper of human beings such as sincerity, honesty, loyalty, respect, trust, communication among many others. On the other side love is conduct. Because as many say “it is worthless for you to tell me that you love me if you don´t demonstrate it”. Never the less this must be actions that reflect the cognitions mentioned lines above, that is to say that my acts demonstrate to the person that I love that I am sincere with her in the name of what I feel and think, for it is the congruence of what we think, feel and do what allows the other person to know that we love them and viseversa. An incongruence for example is what we use to call the prove of love and even as ridiculous as the phrase sounds and being almost out of use it is still frequently occurring sadly at earlier ages and like this there are many more cases of people that day by day live in the name of love with much incongruence, like in the case of those many people that continue with relations in which there is no love, but instead it is attachment and emotional dependance. Also those relations in which passion is confused with love, when the first is an emotion and not a feeling and as such it characterizes for being of great intensity and short duration, and in general it can be experienced with much frequency when starting a relation or in those which have a short period of time since they started, and when disappearing people think that what disappeared was love, when in truth it was not this that kept them together. Passion, in being an emotion has the characteristic of dominating our thoughts and actions, taking people to comitt suicide or to kill the person whom they said they loved, only because he gave for ended the relation, or because they believe there partner is with another person. The same happens with those relations that like I mentioned before keep together because of attachments and/or dependence. By this I mean to say that there are many reasons, sensations and emotions that are alike love, like dependence and passion, but they are not.
In conclusion, love is cognition, feeling and action. And if you are just going to center yourself in one of this three aspects it is probable that what you are experiencing is not love, or if your concept of what love is, is based in possible incongruences, that regretfully could lead you to hold on to disfunctional relations, which is not healthy. PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE EVER THOUGHT ON THE POSIBILITY OF TAKING AWAY YOUR LIVE OR HAVE INTENDED TO DO SO AND THE IDEA KEEPS CROSSING YOUR MIND, I ASK YOU TO CONTACT ME. My intention will not be of persuading you but to help you to evaluate with objectivity the situation before you take a decision. Remember that many times we FEEL there are no other paths to walk, but what we feel is not necessarily what is. For example I once met a person that was very charming and attractive, and had lots of admireres and almost everyone told her how beautiful she was. Nevertheless she didn´t feel that this was true, even dough it was a fact that she was, she had even worked in many opportunities as a model and hostess. Thank God and the opportune help, she became aware of that the way that she saw herself was in function to what her “incongruent in love boyfriend” did to her when treating her with despite and humiliation. When he finished with her because she discovered that he was unfaithful he told her that she was horrible and that he has lost his time spending it with her. She then felt horrible and assumed that it was for this reason that he had cheated on her and left her.
Love begins with oneself. 90% of the people that I ask if they love themselves ask me something that I once asked myself, “and how do you that?”, “How do I love myself?” The answer is easy, feeling, thinking and doing the same thing that you do with the people you love. The part that most complicates people is the part where they get to experience love for themselves. What happens with this is that this is totally linked to selfsteam and maybe the most important variable of selfsteam is self knowledge, one does not love what one does not know, and if one has not giving oneself the time to know themselves to feel love for themselves becomes complicated. On the cognitive side of love is it not that when you love someone you give them your trust, your sincerity, care, spoil them, your understanding and your forgiveness, etc? Then why not do it with yourself, and finally take it to love-action, take care of yourself as if you were the love of your life, as if you were your own child.
Well this is all for now, but we will continue to deepen on the subject in another opportunity.
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